I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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