At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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