Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
