So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
