I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
