Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
