you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
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I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
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If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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