If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
