what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
