Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
