i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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