I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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