my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
