seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
