The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
