im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My vagina is very pro this idea
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
