Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
