my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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