you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
