Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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