I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
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Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
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How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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