Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
