I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Two words: blizzard sex
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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