his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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