she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
handjob tips. give me some.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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