I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
