It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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