Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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