I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
