let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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