he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
