Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
