the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
