I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
