All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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