So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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