So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
please come you make the beer taste better
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
