Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
