I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
