Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
