I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
