You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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