your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
