so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
