I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
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Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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