remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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