I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
