im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
