felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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