Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
