I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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