I wish you could order shots online.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
