Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
