I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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