I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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