This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize