Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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