Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
