Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The uberlube is also flammable
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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