Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
