He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
two words: eviction party
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
