Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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