i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize