that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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