He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
