i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
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Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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