I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
