I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
