I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
