THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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