Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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