I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
