Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize